It's been about 7 hours since my fiancee got the official call about the fate of our wedding song choice. I had to wait this long to write this so I wouldn't concentrate on my feelings about the wedding music committee, but on the song and it's meaning for Julie and I. I'm actually going to write it, save it, email it to Julie, then come back to look at it again to make sure I stay on message.
(as an aside, it seems ridiculous to me to get this upset about a song, or even feel this attached to a song, but it affected us in a great way...hopefully you'll see that in my words)
As our wedding grows closer (53 days away!), I've been reflecting on the circumstances that led us to each other.
Julie is from Mississippi originally and moved to Dallas almost 6 years ago to work while most of her friends and classmates chose Nashville or some other southeastern city. While here, she befriended some DTS students who, to this day, remain her close friends. After I graduated from college, I worked around Indiana politics for a few years, ultimately deciding to pursue a seminary degree here in Dallas. About 6 months after I moved to Dallas, I moved in with some fellow DTS students who were friends with Julie. After some careful scheming by our friends, Julie and I were introduced and started dating about 6 months later.
It's amazing to me how God brought us together. Without boring you all with the details, the whole story seems very unlikely. A job opportunity here, a different living situation there, and we wouldn't be together. That's what makes this song special to us.
The song "Bigger Than Us" is more than just a love song. The songwriter is communicating to his wife the fact that God brought them together. He talks about how God designed the stars from the beginning and set the earth's rotation to precise specifications, just like He did for the couple in the song. He talks about the love God used to design the world, even to the great detail of pairing two people together. When we hear that song, we praise God for putting us together from the beginning and directing our lives with such precision to put us together in the right time and place.
The fact that this song was denied has upset us both, and really saddens me on a few levels. First, our wedding committee contact was not even open to discussing it with us. Their reasoning was that it wasn't worshipful enough. No questions asked. It's not like we're trying to pull the wool over their eyes here. In our opinion, there is no question about the singer's intent--to praise God for His handiwork. But they didn't want to hear that and wouldn't answer our rebuttals. They just said something like "A lot of people get their wedding songs denied. We won't even let Ave Maria be played." (Ave Maria and Bigger Than Us are two completely different theological viewpoints...should be irrelevant) Conversation over.
Second, I'm really disappointed that poetic license has taken a hit in the church. Here is a Christian singer/songwriter who writes amazing lyrics and, just because they aren't in the style of Michael W. Smith, it is deemed to be not worshipful enough. We shouldn't have to apologize for substituting the words "this love is something bigger than us" for "our marriage is God-designed and ordained." It flows better and makes a better, more interesting song. I'm sure if we picked some Darlene Zschech-Hillsong-baby's milk-spoon-fed-follow-the-bouncing-ball song, it would have been approved (an older lady I used to work w/ called them 7-11 songs...7 words repeated 11 times). He's not making the audience stretch to understand that he's talking about God, he's stretching the audience to think about love in the context of God's whole creation. Beautiful!
Third, the way we were designing the service, the song would have gone after the homily, giving our pastor the opportunity to set the song up by talking about how our marriage is designed by God. A wedding isn't just a thing that people should go to, smile, and leave. It should point to God in a way that is poignant, thought-provoking, and emotionally stirring. Placing this song after the homily gives the attendees the chance to reflect on what the pastor just said in a way that is new and fresh...perhaps a way they've never thought about before. A way that could be more accessible without compromising the Truth.
Fourth, it's our wedding! I could understand this decision if we were trying to slip Metallica's "Nothing Else Matters" by them (an actual suggestion on a wedding music website). We should be able to choose the music we want at our own wedding.
I know there are more songs out there that can do all of these things that might get past the Iron Curtain, but this is a song that stirs us spiritually and means a lot to us. The fact that a small committee in a large church can make the determination without even talking to us about is extremely disturbing. It also helps me remember that churches aren't perfect (and neither am I, judging by my thoughts immediately after hearing the news).
Pray for Julie and I, our attitudes and conduct in this situation. We love each other, and we know that our marrige is more than a song, but, as you can tell, this is a song and an idea that means a lot to us.
